What men mean when they talk about their “crazy” ex-girlfriend is often that she was someone who cried a lot, or texted too often, or had an eating disorder, or wanted too much/too little sex, or generally felt anything beyond the realm of emotionally undemanding agreement. That does not make these women crazy. That makes those women human beings, who have flaws, and emotional weak spots. However, deciding that any behavior that he does not like must be insane– well, that does make a man a jerk.
And when men do this on a regular basis, remember that, if you are a woman, you are not the exception. You are not so cool and fabulous and levelheaded that they will totally get where you are coming from when you show emotions other than “pleasant agreement.”
When men say “most women are crazy, but not you, you’re so cool” the subtext is not, “I love you, be the mother to my children.” The subtext is “do not step out of line, here.” If you get close enough to the men who say things like this, eventually, you will do something that they do not find pleasant. They will decide you are crazy, because this is something they have already decided about women in general.
TBB Fun Fact of the day : Sam’s parents are from Slovenia.
Heritage mystery solved. :)
This was an old interview from maybe 3/4 years ago. It was with the Reutlinger General Anzeiger when he was 24 and TBB were playing there. I presume he has probs moved out now but oh my god, how cute, hm? How lovely! It’s just adorable.
“Femme is about being a babe inside of your own brain.
It’s about feeling like you are taking care of you.
It’s about knowing that you have assembled a team of experts – friends, partners, chosen family, lovers, mentors – to go through your life with. People who will see you the way you see you, and who aren’t afraid to set you to rights when you need a talking to.
Femme is about trusting your own conceptions of beauty, power, pleasure, and generosity.
If “femininity” is defined according to (sexist!) social expectations and separated entirely from “masculinity,” then Femme is looking over its shoulder and laughing at all those rules.
Christian Grey is such an utter bastard. He’s a really thoroughly horrible person. He’s cold, presumptious and does not take Ana’s pleasure into account at all. Then he shouts at her because she’s a virgin. The first time they have sex he does it to “alleviate her condition.”
Ew. Ew. Ew.
I thought this was meant to be romantic? Where’s the warmth and kindness and respect for the other person, hm? Whatever happened to making a girl feel comfortable and safe and valued and happy?
There is so much wrong with this book.
Also; “With your wages I expect you won’t be able to afford the clothes I expect you to wear?”
No question about wether she’d be comfortable doing that. No negotiation. Ugh. It’s just rude and classless for someone who is meant to have grown up with money.
Yes! When a powerful character reveals some vulnerability, it can be very compelling. There’s something beautiful about a physically strong, socially powerful character asking very shyly for something he wants, and fearing he’ll be rejected for it.
EXACTLY! It’s so much more interesting and evocative. Above all, it can be tender and romantic. Lovely.
Who needs THAT? And power isn’t always simple. A guy on his knees giving a blow job can be the one totally in charge of the situation. Not that I’ve written this or anything. *cough*
Exactly. and yes I’ve totes written that too, hehe. and when the power is complex then the story becomes richer, the characters deeper. I think the complexities of power and vulnerability are fascinating. Especially when they come from the same person.
Yeah. It’s almost embarrassing, reading it - pure id vortex. Mine is more vanilla (as vanilla as an OT3 gets, anyway) but even without props or pain, there are power dynamics going on, because ALL relationships have those to some extent. *sigh*
Yes, definitely. And I think it’s fascinating to see how the balance of power shifts depending on the situation. That’s always interesting to read. I think one of the things lacking with this book and these characters is that there’s no tug and pull. There’s no “fight” between them. It’s just her being all wobbly and flustered and he’s just smirking. That’s it. Blegh.